


A Textual Journey

by LouLou24



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2020-04-23 00:57:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 61
Words: 12,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19140373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouLou24/pseuds/LouLou24
Summary: Jaime and Brienne's relationship seen through their text messages.





	1. Chapter 1

Jaime: This meeting is as boring as I thought it was gonna be. Wanna meet me for lunch and by lunch I mean I will be the only one eating?? 💦💦💦

Brienne: The meeting is boring because your father wouldn't know people skills if they bit him in his bony ass. Also that would be a no on lunch. Renly is having a meltdown about clients getting poached. Happen to know anything about that Mr Lannister?? 👀👀

Jaime: Nope. No new clients on this side of town. Last I checked. Although Tyrion seems awful happy this morning. Love it when you call me Mr Lannister.  
We should role play that. You can be the naughty school girl and I will be the mean old Mr Lannister.

Brienne: Well you already have the old and mean mastered. 🤣🤣🤣

Jaime: Hey.... 😭😭😭

Jaime: 34 isn't old.

Brienne: Isnt it?? You'll be 40 when I'm 34... 😮😮😮

Brienne: Maybe trade you in for a younger model 🤣🤣

Jaime: No one could put up with you wench only this old man.

Brienne: Haha well I may only keep you around for the arm candy. I couldn't live with myself if I put you back on the market and all the ladies of Kingslanding had to try and win your affections.

Jaime: My affections are only for you ❤❤❤

Brienne: 😷😷😷 that was a too sweet one even for you. What have you done?

Jaime: Don't kill me. But I may or may not have told the devil himself that we would have dinner with him.

Brienne: 😡😡😡😡

Brienne: Why??????????

Brienne: You know he is going to spend the whole night trying to convince me once again to leave Renly and come work for him.

Jaime: He does that because he knows what an amazing Lawyer you are. Plus I kinda agree with him.

Brienne: We are not having this arguement again. I told you I wanna make partner here before considering that. You know what people will say?? I only got it because I keep your bed warm blah blah blah.

Jaime: blah blah blah?? Really?? From such an intelligent woman like yourself.

Brienne: Where and when?? And we are done discussing this for now and please ask your father not to go on all night about it??

Jaime: Also what colour of panties did you put on this morning after I left??

Jaime: black??

Jaime: nude??

Jaime: red??

Jaime: blue??

Brienne: I'm trying to work. Unlike some who have the pleasure of a mid morning meeting to twiddle his thumbs.

Jaime: speaking of pleasure. I could be giving you some right now if only you had of already joined us here at Lannister & Lannister. Would make this meeting more interesting for me to have my fingers in your sweet cunt while everyone else was unaware. Well maybe not unaware with how loud you can be. 💦💦💦

Brienne: JAIME!!!!!!!!!!

Jaime: What??? Good luck in court this afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

Brienne: I'M GONNA KILL YOU THIS TIME. 

Jaime: What????

Brienne: YOU KNOW WHAT. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY DID THIS.

Jaime: I've did many things..... like that thing with my tongue this morning 🏊♂️🏊♂️🏊♂️

Brienne: It's a good thing that you are already out having lunch with your brother because you better ask him can you stay with him or find yourself a hotel Lannister.

Jaime: My love?? What has you so angry this day??

Brienne. YOU FUCKING NO WHAT. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE. I SWEAR TO THE GODS JAIME.

Jaime: I'll be home soon to set it up. They told me Tuesday for delivery. Three days early that's some service. I will have to give them 5 stars in my review.

BRIENNE: YOU CAN SET IT UP IN YOUR BROTHERS. 

Jaime: Gods wench I love it when your fiesty. That means the claws will be out when I fuck you later. 😎 

Brienne: You most certainly will not be fucking anything but yourself.

Brienne: A SEX SWING??? TWO OF THEM HAD TO CARRY IT IN. I AM NEVER CROSSSING THE DOOR AGAIN. THE NEIGHBOURS PROBABLY SEEN IT. 

Jaime: I also ordered a tantric chair aswell 😁


	3. Chapter 3

HARD FOR YOU: Hey??? 😂😂😂

Brienne: Seriously?? Hard for you?? What are you?? 12??

HARD FOR YOU: Yea inches.....🍆🍆🍆

Brienne: hahahaha. Please. 🍄

HARD FOR YOU: What is that a mushroom? Never heard you complain before..... 😂😂😂

Brienne: Didn't want to hurt your sensitive ego 💅

HARD FOR YOU: The last thing that was sensitive was your lady parts after my 12inches.

Brienne: 🤚

HARD FOR YOU: 😂😂😂 Oh I certainly won this round. 

HARD FOR YOU: Be home late tonight meeting a client for dinner. Be waiting at the door naked for me. 😎😎😎

Brienne: 🖕


	4. Chapter 4

Brienne: Oh Jaime. It's all kicking off over here today.....

Brienne: Robert and Renly had an actual fist fight!!

Brienne: I think Baratheon Baratheon & Baratheon may be no more.

Brienne: Stannis was in court when it all kicked off. Thank the Gods. There was six security guards trying to separate them. 

Brienne: Renly has been sleeping with Cersei.... 😮😮😮. Robert played a video during the Senior associate meeting. It was very graphic..... I seen more of your sister than I ever wished too.

Brienne: She was leading Renly about the bedroom on a leash 😷😷😷

Brienne: I am slightly horrified.

Brienne: Tywin is gonna be a delight when this gets out.

Brienne: Chicken or Beef for dinner?? ❤❤❤


	5. Chapter 5

Sex God: I've been thinking, and I think it's time we got a move on with this thing I've been thinking about.

Brienne: what in the seven are you going on about now?????

Brienne: and STOP changing your name in my phone!!!!!!

Sex God: I think it's time we took the plunge.

Sex God: You need to tie me down once and for all. Let all the ladies of Kingslanding know that your Mrs Lannister.

Brienne: NO

Sex God: What do you mean no??? 

Brienne: Is that your idea of a marriage proposal?? Because it's awful!!!

Sex God: Brienne my darling? Will you do me the greatest honour of being my wifey?? 

Brienne: NO

Sex God: where are you??

Brienne: At work. Really Jaime where else would I be at this time on a Monday??

Sex God: In your office?????

Sex God: ????????

Sex God: ???????

Brienne: Yes in my office. Duh 

Sex God: Open your top drawer on the right of your desk.

Brienne: 🤔🤔🤔

Brienne: I'm afraid to even look... what have you done now??

Sex God: Just look for me?? 😇😇😇

Brienne: Why is there a picture of you kneeling in the Sept??

Brienne: What are you even holding out in your hand??

Brienne: jaime??

Brienne: ????

Sex God: I'm here now beautiful girl. Come meet me and make me the happiest man this land has ever known???

Sex God: ?????

Sex God: Brienne???

Sex God: .........


	6. Chapter 6

Brienne: What time will you be home tonight??

Hot Husband: Probably head out around 4ish. Have a light day with client meetings.

Hot Husband: Why?? You need me home for some maritial activities?? 😉😉😉

Brienne: Nope. I need you to pick up the dry cleaning.  
It's under Lannister. 😘

Hot Husband: Wife you really know how to turn me on.

Brienne: I try. 🤣🤣🤣


	7. Chapter 8

Jaime: Date night tonight? Wear a skirt.... 

Brienne: Meeting at home or there?? 

Jaime: At home... be ready for 7. Meeting at 6 with the Devil so shouldn't be too long. I'll be home to drop off the car.

Brienne: I will drive then.

Jaime: Nope. We are getting drunk.. 🥃🍷🍾

Brienne: The last time I let you talk me into getting drunk I lost my underwear in the back of a taxi!!!!!!! 🙄🙄🙄 

Jaime: Good times. Lucky us the seats where leather that night.

Brienne: JAIME!!!!!!

Jaime: What?? You love it.

Brienne: Maybe just a little. 

Brienne: And I'm wearing trousers tonight.

Jaime: 🤣🤣🤣 do you think that would stop me. I do love a challenge 😇😇😇


	8. Chapter 8

Deep diving expert: Cersei was just here. Robert's cut her off. It was all very dramatic if you ask me. Tywin has told her she needs to get a job. The horror 😏😏😏

Brienne: Stay out of my phone contacts. 

Brienne: Oh Cersei with a job would never work. She is already a full time drama queen.

Brienne: Also the name you put in my phone for Renly. 🤣🤣🤣

Brienne: I do love you sometimes.

Deep diving expert : I thought 'doggy style' suited him.

Brienne: It does. I may keep that one. 🤣🤣🤣

Deep diving expert : I always thought he preferred the company of men.

Brienne: Maybe he just likes variety.

Deep diving expert: Sooooo I was thinking of our plans for tonight. 

Deep diving expert : we will start with 👅

Deep diving expert : then 👄🍆 or at the same time. What ever you fancy my love. 🌀

Deep diving expert : 🐕👌🍆

Brienne : I forgot to tell you. I'm having dinner with the girls tonight. 😘

Brienne: and don't pout. It will ruin that pretty face. 😉😉😉

Deep diving expert : But your mine and I don't like sharing. 😭😭😭

Brienne : I will bring you home a slice of that cake you like. With extra cream. 😘😘😘

Deep diving expert : I'll be eating that cake out of you. 👅👅👅

Brienne : Are you at the office?? 

Deep diving expert : YES. ??????????

Brienne : Be there in 30 mins. For some 🍆

Deep diving expert : Oh you naughty wench.


	9. Chapter 9

Brienne : Thanks very much. 

Brienne : I will most certainly need a new assistant now. Podrick’s face could have lit up the whole of Kingslanding he was that embarrassed.

Brienne : A normal husband sends his wife flowers or a pamper basket. Not that.

Winning at husbanding: Knew you'd love it.

Brienne : Love it ..... LOVE IT

Brienne : Tormund was here when it was delivered.

Brienne : Direct quote 'let's get a hotel and try this shit out' end quote.

Winning at husbanding: Tell Tormund I'll rearrange his face!!!!!!!

Winning at husbanding : Actually I'll tell him myself when I pick you up. Be ready at 4.30.

Brienne : Absolutely not. I dont need you coming here pissing on my leg again. 

Winning at husbanding : Well it's not my fault you attract the likes of Hunt and Giantsbane.

Brienne : And the likes of YOU.

Winning at husbanding : What is wrong with me?? 

Brienne : What is right with you would be a shorter list!!!!!!

Brienne : You are the most infuriating, arrogant idiot I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Winning at husbanding: So it was a pleasure meeting me?? 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

Brienne : You could have easily had your 'Naughty Nights Romantic Gift Basket' delivered to me at home. 

Brienne : I am the talk of this office once again.

Winning at husbanding : My love. They only talk because they are jealous of our love. Our fantastic sex life and my jaw that could cut glass. (Last one is a direct quote I heard from your main floor receptionist).

Winning at husbanding : Is there handcuffs in that basket???


	10. Chapter 10

Hits the spot EVERYTIME : Our offer has been accepted. Should have the keys in six weeks.

Brienne : GODS..... 

Brienne : I just screamed all over the office.

Hits the spot EVERYTIME : I'm picturing your happy smile right now.

Brienne : I love you Jaime Lannister.

Hits the spot EVERYTIME : We are getting everything brand new.

Brienne : We got everything we have new when we moved in together. We only need stuff for the extra bedrooms and family room.

Hits the spot EVERYTIME: This is our forever home. Everything will be new and sparkly and shiny for our first night there. You can fight me all you want but we have all this money we might as well spend it.

Hits the spot EVERYTIME: Cant wait to try the hot tub. Oh and the pool. SKINNY DIPPING..... 

Hits the spot EVERYTIME: and the whirlpool in the Master bedroom.

Brienne : We all ready tried that at the viewing when you made the two of us climb in to test the size.

Hits the spot EVERYTIME: doesn't count because we where clothed at the time.

Hits the spot EVERYTIME: We should start working on little people for them extra bedrooms aswell.

Brienne : Can we at least get settled in our new home and then we will re-visit your last topic of conversation.

Hits the spot EVERYTIME: Two boys and two girls. 

Brienne : 💁🏼♀️💁🏼♀️💁🏼♀️💁🏼♀️💁🏼♀️


	11. Chapter 11

Brienne: I've been offered a seat at the big table. Baratheon Baratheon & Tarth.

Big 🍆: No. 

Brienne : Jaime you know this is really good for me career wise. Other than you I will be the youngest named partner in the City. 

Big 🍆: I made named partner at 27 not 29.

Brienne : Really????. Your gonna be a dick about this.

Brienne : And I fucking know when you made named partner I helped you celebrate.

Big 🍆 : The only wall your name is going on is this one.

Brienne : For starters I don't even work there. And when exactly would that be??? Huh... another 5 years... 10???? After I even get my foot in the door there.

Brienne : 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Big 🍆: You would be named partner here tomorrow. If you just told them bastard Baratheon's to stick there job.

Big 🍆: Fuck what anyone else thinks your billables and client list speak for its self. You are in the top two of this cities best Lawyers. 

Big 🍆: Tywin isn't going to want to run this place forever. You know if I went to him now he would throw you the biggest welcoming party this firm has seen. He is and old fucker but he respects and loves you. Though he does have a funny way of showing it sometimes.

Big 🍆: Just please don't give them an answer yet and think about it.

Brienne : You are so infuriating.

Big 🍆: You know this isn't me being a dick. I know more than anyone how much you deserves your name on that wall. But I want our names together on a wall. If you want I will leave now and we will start our own firm Lannister & Tarth or Tarth & Lannister. 

Brienne : Really... do you think I would let you leave your family business.

Brienne : Just I don't know. I'm excited but scared. 

Big 🍆: Wife you are my family. You are my favourite family member. The one I love most. I would do anything for you.

Brienne : Don't you'll make me cry. Why am I so emotional.

Big 🍆: Spoke to Father he is coming to our house for dinner. Just please here him out. For me???

Brienne : I hate when you Lannister's are together. 

Big 🍆: You're a Lannister too. And its us Lannister's against the rest of the world. 😘


	12. Chapter 12

Jaime : Did you take the sandwich of my desk.... stupid question it had to be you. Your the only one ballsy enough to steal my lunch.

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE : Maybe 💅💅💅

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE : It was sitting there for nearly two hours. 

Jaime : I was in a meeting when Peck returned with my lunch. 

Jaime : And why the hell are you in my phone as 'HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE' ????

Jaime : And why are we texting your office is literally down the corridor.

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE: First off you text me first. You could have easily walked down the corridor.

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE : Second you could get your own lunch instead of sending your assistant.

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE: The name thing you can figure out easily. You're a smart man.

Jaime : You confuse me too no end. How did your meeting go.

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE: it wasn't a meeting. It was an appointment.

Jaime : With who???

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE : I'm thinking of a new name for you for my contacts.

Jaime : 12 incher.

Jaime : Supercock 

Jaime : Sex God

Jaime : champion banger

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE: You do not have a 12 inch penis. GODS.

Jaime : Hottest husband in Kingslanding.

Jaime : 🍆🍆🍆🍆

Jaime : 🥒🥒🥒🥒

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE: I was thinking along the LINES of.........

Jaime : Hung like a horse.

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE : .............

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE:................

HUMAN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE : DILF


	13. Chapter 13

DTB : Am I forgiven????

Brienne : Nope. 

DTB : I will send Peck to get you some more. 😉

Brienne : Don't you even think about it. You evil man.

DTB : it's your own fault really.

Brienne : It always is according to you.

DTB: I could staple them back together for you??

Brienne : I'm going home.

DTB: Do you want your panties out of my pocket before you go???


	14. Chapter 14

Daddy : Our baby is this size at the moment 🍌

Brienne : You're cute with the researching stuff.

Daddy : Cute is what you are. I am strong and manly and rogueded.

Brienne : Okay then. How was your manicure appointment yesterday???

Daddy : You know my hands are sensitive. That's why I go for a manicure. 

Daddy : Plus yours are so much softer than mine. I don't understand why we can't go to the same person. Couples manicures are a thing.

Brienne : We don't go together because I love going there. And if I where to bring you...... you would probably say something wildly inappropriate and get me barred for life.

Brienne : The daddy thing. I don't know if it's because you are going to be a daddy or want me to call you daddy. I might be a bit disturbed.

Daddy : Well come down here and we will try it out. You can scream daddy all over this floor.

Brienne : Yea. I'm open to a lot from you. But the daddy calling is gonna have to be reserved for the little one.

Daddy : Agreed. It's kinda disturbed me also. You know nothing really disturbs me. 

Daddy : How about master??

Daddy : Lord husband?????

Daddy : Ruler of my Kingdom???

Brienne : How about you get down here..... THE BABY IS KICKING


	15. Chapter 15

Brienne: Chinese and Pizza tonight!!!!!

Brienne: Ice cream for after.

No1 DILF : Whatever your heart desires.

Brienne : Are you being condescending??? 

No1 DILF: No. I meant that sounds great for dinner 😘

Brienne : And then an early night 😉😉😉

No1 DILF : Yes I cant wait for sleep. 🤞

Brienne : No not to sleep Jaime. I have needs that need attending too.

No1 DILF : My love don't think I have anything else to give you at the moment.

No1 DILF : I never thought I'd say this but I think your insatiable pregnancy libido has broken me. Please just let me sleep.

No1 DILF : We will cuddle in bed with a movie

Brienne : 🙄🙄🙄

Brienne : I haven't been that bad.

No1 DILF : Its been 3 times already today. I'm worried Tywin is going to fire us. 

Brienne : Well it's not my fault I'm constantly craving you.

Brienne : Even your smell. Gods I need you again.

No1 DILF : Please think of something else. 

Brienne : I will sort myself out. Don't you worry. 😘😘😘

No1 DILF : Can I watch???


	16. Chapter 16

Hot mama to be : Hope you are not too tired in work? Want me to bring you lunch?

Jaime : Really?? I had two hours sleep last night. So of course I'm not tired 👌

Hot mama to be : Yea sorry about the two hours sleep thing.

Jaime : I might forgive you. If you make it up to me 😇

Hot mama to be : Yes husband... name the demand??

Jaime : ANAL

Hot mama to be : 🤬🤬🤬

Hot mama to be : Absolutely not.

Hot mama to be : Sometimes I wonder how I put up with you.

Jaime : I'm joking....

Jaime : Maybe I'm joking.

Jaime : 100 % joking.

Jaime : Honestly you don't have to make anything up to me my love I'm sure plenty of women have thought trapped wind was labour.

Hot mama to be : They have!!!!!! You heard the midwife last night. 

Hot mama to be : That and Braxton hicks is two of the most common.

Jaime : I'm convinced it was all that pasta you ate for dinner. That couldn't have been good.

Hot mama to be : Oh so now I eat to much. Too fat for you now Lannister is that it??

Hot mama to be : Maybe I will just stop eating in front of you from now on if you are just going to judge my portion sizes.

Jaime : Gods. You know I didn't mean it like that. You are perfect in every way.

Jaime : Just a bit sensitive to my wit at the moment.

Hot mama to be : So I'm also too sensitive now. Really laying it all out now Jaime. Is this your way of telling me I'm a cry baby huh?? Well since we are talking being sensitive you are not showing any consideration right now for my wellbeing you insufferable asshole.

Jaime : Well now you mention crying. You did cry two nights ago for no reason.

Hot mama to be : NO REASON... NO FUCKING REASON. YOU ATE THE REST OF MY ICE CREAM.

Jaime : I will.bring you home more ice cream my darling.

Hot mama to be : No you can shove the ice cream mister.

Hot mama to be : Don't message me again.

Jaime : 👌

Jaime : 😇

Jaime : 😘

Jaime : What flavour? Because I know if I pick up mint choc chip you suddenly won't like that flavour today.

Hot mama to be : I want two tubs cookie dough and Madagascan vanilla.

Hot mama to be : Be aware even though you are getting me ice cream does not mean I will be talking to you.

Jaime : Okay wife whatever you say.

Hot mama to be : Can i ever please have the last word!!!!! Your infuriating!!!!

Jaime : I love you.

Jaime : ❤❤❤


	17. Chapter 17

Jaime : Meet your niece..... born exactly 43 mins ago. (Inserted photo)

Tyrion : Why didn't you message before? Gods she is beautiful isn't she??? How is her mama???

Jaime : Tyrion they are both amazing. I have never felt such love as I do now for both my girls. Brienne did amazing.

Jaime : It was literally that quick I didn't get a chance to message or phone anyone. 42 minutes is all the time between Brienne saying she thinks she was in labour until she was put in our arms.

Tyrion : I am coming to visit. NAME?? WEIGHT?? 

Jaime : 8lbs 2oz of perfection 

Jaime : We have picked Ariella which means 'lion of God's

Jaime : I can't believe I am someone's father. What if I mess it up?? What if she hates me?? I love her too much already.

Tyrion : You where more a father to me growing up than our own father. You showered me with love and there is not a person in this world I admire more than you. She will be privileged and proud to have a man like you as a father.

Tyrion : I love you brother. Enjoy this blesseded moment with your women no one deserves happiness more than you. Give Brienne and Ariella a kiss from me.

Jaime : Hurry up and get here brother. I love you also.


	18. Chapter 18

Proud dad : How long will you be?? 

Brienne: Probably a few more hours. Why?? Is everything okay??

Proud dad : NO everything is not OKAY. 

Proud dad : I had no idea babies could shit like this. Its everywhere. I need a hazmat suit.

Brienne : Good luck daddy. I believe in you.

Proud dad : Please please please come home. It's up her back and everything. 

Brienne : 👍

Proud dad : How am I even cleaning her. The clothes cannot be salvaged.

Brienne: Bin the clothes and shower her off. Easy.

Proud dad : Has this happened before?

Brienne : Yes on your first day back at work.

Proud dad : Gods. What happened to my sweet baby daughter.

Brienne : Jaime just hurry up and get her cleaned.

Proud dad : I am the both of us are going for a shower.

Brienne : Please be careful and don't slip.

Proud dad : 👍


	19. Chapter 19

Brienne : You need to speak to the DARK LORD before a sibling   
war breaks out.

What about going for number 2: What has he done???

Brienne : going for number 2??? Not a chance Jaime. That wont   
be happening for at least another two years.

What about going for number 2: The Dark Lord??

Brienne: Well he has got himself a Facebook account. I know   
you dont do social media......

Brienne : So he has posted a picture of our girl....

Brienne : captioned with..... I have four grandchildren but I can   
truthfully say it's TRUE when you have a favourite and   
this little beauty is mine.

Brienne : sole heir to The Lannister empire.

What about number 2: Well I'll give the old boy his dues. He   
chose wisely. Those kids of Cersei's are   
heathens.

Brienne : Jaime really LOL

What about number 2 : I'm biased aswell.


	20. Chapter 20

DILF: Why is Tyrion sending me pictures of our daughter??

DILF : please tell me you are with him??

DILF: Brienne?? You did not trust him alone with my baby girl?

DILF : GODS. You did, didn't you?? 

Brienne : He is more than capable of looking after a 6 month   
baby.

DILF : I'm phoning him and telling him to bring her to me.

DILF : Its Tyrion he will try and take my daughter to a brothel.

Brienne : Why are you always so dramatic?

Brienne : You should have went to drama school instead of law   
school.

Brienne : Tyrion is keeping Ariela until 9pm. I thought we could   
have some alone time.

DILF: Alone time? Uninterrupted time??

DILF : What shall we do??

Brienne : I was thinking each other??

DILF : Oh wife you know I'm a sure thing 😉

Brienne : Make sure you conserve energy for the last hour of   
work.

DILF : Oh my energy is always full for you.

DILF : I'm going to Phone Tyrion and make sure she is okay.  
Does he have her favourite blanket??  
Did you give him ducky??

Brienne : see you when you get home. Really jaime what do you   
take me for.


	21. Chapter 21

Husband : ❤❤❤

Husband : 😍😍😍

Husband : 😘😘😘

Brienne : Nope. ✋

Husband : How was I suppose to know he was going to show  
up when he did?

Brienne : Really Jaime. You know why.

Husband : I couldn't help myself. It's your fault for being so  
delicious.

Brienne : No Jaime it's your fault!!!! You bleeding idiot.

Brienne : You invited your father for dinner... told him to arrive at  
6.

Brienne : But according to you. You some how forgot.

Husband : Those yoga pants did something to my cock.

Husband : He wanted out to play.

Brienne : Okay. But you should have locked the front door.

Husband : Objection. That was a slight oversight.

Brienne: I will never be able to look at the dark lord again.

Husband : Come on its my father he will not think twice of it.

Brienne : Jaime we where going at it like rabbits. I was bent over  
the back of the couch. HE SEEN EVERYTHING.

Brienne : I never wanna show my face I front of him again.

Husband : My love. My father marched in here first thing this  
morning and said after what he seen he is convinced  
baby number two will be on the way.

Brienne : You fucking Lannisters have no shame.


	22. Chapter 22

Brienne : Hows things going??

HALF A GOD : Please. I've got this. Daddy daughter day.

Brienne : Half a god?? Your ego gets worse with age.

HALF A GOD : Direct quote from my wife 'standing there  
covered in our daughters vomit looking like half a  
god'

Brienne : I was delirious with sleep deprivation.

HALF A GOD : Haha please , this body does things to you.

HALF A GOD : The same things your body does to me.

Brienne : Where is our daughter and what is she doing??

HALF A GOD : She is sitting under my desk playing with her toys,  
like the angel she is.

HALF A GOD : That idiot Peck wanted to take her to the park. I  
wouldn't trust him with a doll never mind a baby.

Brienne : Well Pod said to give him a call if you need help.

HALF A GOD : I think I can handle a nine month old. Plus I want  
you to enjoy some me time before coming back  
to work.

Brienne : You really are something else Jaime Lannister ❤❤

HALF A GOD : I said something right??

Brienne: So right baby.

HALF A GOD : YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS. I JUST FOUND OUR  
GIRLS FIRST TOOTH.

Brienne : What?? Tell me ????

HALF A GOD : She wanted up on my lap. So as she is examining  
my hand she leans over and sinks her one tooth  
into my hand.

Brienne : Your crying aren't you???

HALF A GOD : Yep. How do we get her to stay this little forever.  
I'm not ready for her to grow up.

Brienne : She may grow up, but she will always have you. And  
you are the best man I have ever met. She will be so  
proud that you are her daddy. ❤❤❤

Brienne : I fucking love you Jaime Lannister.

HALF A GOD : You and our girl have made me the happiest man  
in the world. You both make me be a better man.

Brienne : Wanna take a holiday day and have a family day??

HALF A GOD : On the way my love ❤❤❤


	23. Chapter 23

SuperDad: How you feeling about tomorrow.

Brienne : Nervous, excited, apprehensive, afraid, emotional.

SuperDad : You know we can bring her into the office daily.  
Fuck what anyone else will think.

SuperDad : Between myself, you, Pod and the Dark Lord she will   
always be occupied.

Brienne : No Jaime absolutely not. Besides I'm only going to be   
working part time.

SuperDad :About that. I was also thinking of cutting my hours   
and being with her the days you work.

Brienne : What?? Jaime the Dark Lord. You will be cast out LOL.

SuperDad: Ha the days I wont be here you will. Besides I think   
he is going to leave the firm to you anyway. Since   
you are his favourite child.

Brienne : I wouldn't go that far.

SuperDad : Oh I would.

SuperDad : Direct quote from the Dark Lord this morning 'I'm   
removing the no fratenation policy in work. So you   
and Brienne can make the most of the toilets. I   
would like another grandchild.'

Brienne : I am cringing. I fully understand where you get your in   
appropriateness from. It's in the Lannister blood.

SuperDad : I will show you inappropriate when I get home. 

Brienne : How inappropriate??

SuperDad : Inappropriate enough it would make Tyrion blush.

Brienne : Oh I must be in for a good night.

SuperDad : I always give you a good night.

Brienne : Well there was that one time. Two pump 💦💦💦💦

SuperDad : THAT WAS ONCE.

SuperDad: And in my defence I was on a business trip for a   
week. Too long away from your womanly charms my   
dear wife.

Brienne : Yea yea Lannister. All the excuses.  
See you later lover boy.

SuperDad: Yea later Lannister!! 😘😘😘


	24. Chapter 24

Brienne : Did you get everything on the list??

Sweet cheeks : Yep... I'm not ready. I'm not.

Sweet cheeks : I think I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

Brienne : Really?? You get more dramatic with each passing day.

Sweet cheeks : Well I'm on the verge of an attack. But it's not for what you think.

Brienne : So it's not because our daughter is turning one tomorrow??

Sweet cheeks : Well that's a tiny part of it.

Brienne : Okay???

Sweet cheeks : Its to do with the extra present I may have gotten her.

Brienne : I'm afraid to ask. But you are a smart man. 

Brienne : You are a smart man arent you Jaime.

Sweet cheeks : (inserted photo)

Sweet cheeks : Meet Prince.

Brienne : Please tell me you are joking??

Brienne: Jaime???

Brienne : You did not get our daughter a puppy.

Brienne : You fucking did didn't you.

Brienne : 🤬🤬🤬

Sweet cheeks : A prince for our princess.

Brienne : Nope. Nope. Nope it's going back to the shop.

Sweet cheeks : I got him from the shelter. Look at how happy they both are (inserted photo)

Brienne : They are cute. 😭

Brienne : I honestly cannot leave you alone for a minute.

Sweet cheeks : (inserted photo) we all love you mama 😘😘😘

Brienne : stop trying to butter me up with cute pics of the three of you.

Sweet cheeks : How about a dick pic??

Brienne : 🖕🖕🖕🖕


	25. Chapter 25

Brienne : Soooooo I have never been more grateful that I married the hottest lawyer in Kingslanding. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

🍆💦 : Ohhh well the hottest lawyer in Kingslanding is currently messaging me so.😘

Brienne : Jaime please stop changing your name in my phone!!!

Brienne : Anyway...... I did a thing and a feel though this person may have me arrested. 🤔

🍆💦: What happened?? Did someone do something to you??

Brienne : No. I may have lost my temper and punched someone in the face.

🍆💦: Ohh that might have been hot to see.

Brienne : It was your sister. She was being her usual bitchy self.

🍆💦 : You punched Cersei?? Wow!!! Why did I miss that.

Brienne : I think I broke her nose.

Brienne : No I definitely broke her nose. I heard the crunch.

🍆💦 : What did she say??

Brienne : Nothing she hasn't said before. 

🍆💦 : ????

Brienne : It was just her being snide as usual. The Dark Lord had her removed by security after. Told her she is banned from the premises.

🍆💦 : Brienne what did she say??

Brienne : She said you where a pathetic excuse for a man. A man doesn't raise children, a man works.

Brienne : No one talks about you like that. Beside you do fucking work 

Brienne : But you choose to put the most important job first and she pissed me off talking crap about you.

Brienne : You are a pain in my ass but I'm the only one allowed to talk crap about you.

🍆💦 : There is nothing Cersei could say that would upset me. She is a vindictive jealous excuse for a human. I'm more annoyed that she annoyed you.

🍆💦 : Now how about I be a good husband and bring you lunch??

Brienne : I would like that very much.

🍆💦 : We will leave the munchkin with the Dark Lord and I'll show you how much I enjoy being a pain in your ass 🍆💦🍆💦🍆💦🍆💦🍆💦

Brienne : 🤣🤣🤣


	26. Chapter 26

Brienne : Have you gotten lost??

Beach bod dad : Nope. I'm in duty free. Would your father enjoy a vintage malt??

Brienne : No he would not!!!!! 

Beach bod dad : Okay. Would you like it?? 😘

Brienne : NO

Beach bod dad : Dammit. He is there isnt he.

Brienne : YEP!!!!!

Beach bod dad : I love you.

Brienne : 🤬

Beach bod dad : in my defense I told him to board the plane once we had boarded.

Brienne : They are going to fight the whole time over Ariella.

Brienne : When I think you cant possibly top your last fuck up low and behold you have your hold my beer moment.

Beach bod dad : What's a hold my beer??

Brienne : Get to fuck back here now.

Beach bod day : Are you going to hit me??

Brienne : I'm going to strangle you.

Brienne : I can not believe you invited the Dark Lord to Tarth with us.

Brienne : Who is even running the firm??

Beach bod dad : Tyrion

Brienne : Your father has finally lost his sanity.

Beach bod dad : He wants to spend more time as a family.

Brienne : You owe me big time for this 🤬🤬🤬

Brienne : Him and my father are going to kill each other.

Brienne : Bring me back a bottle of vodka

Beach bod dad : Will do 😘


	27. Chapter 27

Fool for you : The Dark Lord has just came in here and asked for a grandfather granddaughter day!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬

Fool for you : If he contacts you the answer is no.✋

Fool for you : He is probably going to try and marry my baby off to some high powered judges son.

Fool for you : Just block his number.🤬

Brienne : Jaime I will give him something. Over the last year he has changed. He makes so much more effort now.

Fool for you: Yes yes. But it's a no from me regarding a granddaughter grandfather day.

Brienne : Okay you have spoken my Lord husband and your word is final in this house. 😉😉😉

Fool for you : Say what.

Fool for you : Yes that's true and dont you forget that I rule the house. 😏

Fool for you: And as ruler of the house I command you to do filthy things with your husband once said husband has put your beautiful offspring to bed 🤞

Brienne : Oh you command lol. What exactly does these commands entail. 🤣🤣

Fool for you: You on your knees worshipping me like the king I am 🤴🏼🤴🏼🤴🏼🤴🏼

Brienne : And what am I if you are the king.

Fool for you : You can be my very naughty serving wench that needs to be punished. 🤴🏼

Brienne : I will go out and get the outfit now.

Fool for you : Seriously??? 

Brienne : 🙄


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you too every single one of you that has taken the time to read this. Leave kudos and for your amazing kindness and love in the comments. Honestly I'm blown away by it. 
> 
> Anyway here we go with Jaime being Jaime 🤣

Dad on duty : So I won't be meeting you in work. Can you let the Dark Lord Know.

Brienne : Why?? Are you okay?? Do you need me to come home?? Is Ariella okay???

Dad on duty : Yes we are are both good.... just decided to have a daddy daughter day 😉😉😉

Brienne : Jaime you left the house ten minutes before I did to drop her at daycare. We decided one day a week at daycare would be good for her.

Dad on duty : Yes I know but....

Brienne : But nothing. She loves daycare and interacting with the other kids. 🤬🤬🤬 Get her dropped off now. 

Brienne : GODS what have you done???

Dad on duty : Nothing. Why would I have done something.

Brienne : Because you have a meeting with your biggest client at 12, there is no way you would push that.

Brienne : So I will ask again what have you done.

Brienne : I will phone the daycare Jaime.

Dad on duty : Yea phoning them isnt a good idea.

Brienne : Jaime????

Dad on duty : Okay so when I go there to drop her off. The teacher person is that what she I called???

Dad on duty : Because they are like all one year olds so a teacher is a bit extreme. 

Brienne : JAIME?????

Dad on duty : Well anyway that person said Ariella had bitten two other kids last week. Which is absurd because my baby wouldn't do anything like that. 🤬

Brienne : Holy fuck Jaime what did you do.

Dad on duty : I may have threatened to sue them for negligence. Obviously they weren't watching the kids and some other kid has bitten other kids and they have decided to blame my daughter.

Dad on duty : Its not fucking happening 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Brienne : Oh so I guess them two kids probably have the exact same mark you have on your forearm.

Brienne : You know from OUR daughter biting you.🙄

Dad on duty : That was an accident.

Brienne : Bring her here. Pod can entertain her. And you a finding a new daycare.✋


	29. Chapter 29

Brienne : Just letting you know me and our girl are meeting Sansa for dinner.... do you want me to bring you something home???

🐎🐎🐎 : Yes please. 😏

Brienne : What the hell is that. Is that a horse. 

🐎🐎🐎 : Yea it's a horse.

Brienne : No Jaime we are not getting Ariella a horse or a pony or any other animal. Prince is enough.

🐎🐎🐎 : It was more I would be the 🐎 and you could ride me. 🤣🤣🤣 

Brienne : I should have known!! As usual you have the mind of a prepubescent boy. ❤❤❤

🐎🐎🐎 : You pretend you dont. But I know my dirty mind makes you 💦💦💦 

Brienne : Well it's just a shame your not here to check how 💦 I may be right now.

🐎🐎🐎 : 😲😲😲😲

🐎🐎🐎 : Oh you bad woman. You know I'm in court and cant come home for a 'forgotten file'

Brienne : You have never brought a file home 

🐎🐎🐎 : Yes but the dark lord does not know that.

Brienne : You have no shame.

🐎🐎🐎 : Not when it come to you my love. ❤❤❤


	30. Chapter 30

Jaime : I want to know the security code on your phone.

Jaime : Its very inconvenient for a husband not knowing his wifes security code.

Jaime : Its also highly annoying. 🙄

Brienne : Oh this is going to be fun. 

Brienne : After that ringtone you put on my phone yesterday.

Brienne : Drastic times call for drastic measures 😉

Jaime : Ha I will figure it out!!!!!!!

Jaime : Challenge accepted. 🤔

Brienne : There is no challenge Jaime. 

Jaime : Oh there is for me 😎😎😎😎

Jaime : If I crack your code tonight. You have to do as i say for the rest of the night.

Brienne : Haha absolutely not.

Jaime : And if you win I will never touch your phone again 😎😉

Brienne : Okay good luck stud. 🤣

Jaime : Oh stud. I like that.

Brienne : 👌


	31. Chapter 31

Brienne's dude : 👌👌👌👌👌👌

Brienne : How?? 

Brienne's dude : It was quite easy actually 🤣🤣🤣

Brienne's dude : Litlle person. Bout two foot tall. Lives rent free in our house.

Brienne's dude : She knew her mama's code 👌👌👌

Brienne : You cheat. 

Brienne : And the things you made me do last night!!!!!!

Brienne's dude : Hey I heard no complaints from you last night.

Brienne's dude : All i heard was... 'yes Jaime.... oh Jaime.... right there jaime' 

Brienne : You have no shame 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬


	32. 32

Tyrion: I know there is no point in saying this BUT DONT FREAK OUT.

Tyrion : Brienne fainted in the break room. She is on her way to the hospital now.

Tyrion : Tell the judge and get your ass to the hospital. I'll get the princess from daycare. 

Jaime : What the fuck happened????

Jaime : I need to phone the daycare and tell them you are getting her.

Jaime : Please tell me Pod went with her. She better not be driving herself!!!!!!!!

Tyrion: No father demanded an ambulance. Two of them showed up.

Tyrion : And he has gone with her to the hospital to make sure his daughter receives the best care.

Tyrion: Jaime please be careful driving. 

Jaime : I'll keep you updated.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

 

Tyrion : Any word yet..... you will be pleased to know your daughter is fed and watered.

Jaime : What did you feed her??

Tyrion : Ice cream and waffles.

Jaime : 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Tyrion : How is my sister???

Jaime : She has a nasty bruise on her head from the fall but she is good.

Jaime : Actually she is bleeding fantastic.

Jaime : We're having another baby. We are just waiting on a scan to make sure all is good. But her bloods confirmed it.

Tyrion : I'm so happy!!!!!!!!! 

Tyrion : Is father still there??

Jaime : Yes!!!!!!! 

Jaime : I fear Brienne may kill him. He cried more than me!!!!

Tyrion : 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jaime : He is also recommending permanent bed rest!!!!

Jaime : Obviously does not know my wife.

Jaime : But Tyrion another little one. I'm truly blessed.

Tyrion : That you are brother. See you when you get home.


	33. Chapter 33

Brienne : We need a new name for the Dark Lord??

Brienne : I feel bad calling him The Dark Lord now. He had breakfast waiting on me when I arrived. He has also gotten me another assistant.🙄🙄🙄

Brienne : Pod thinks it great that he now has someone to Boss about.😎

Brienne : He has also hired someone to work alongside me with all my clients and cases. 

Dad of 3 : What ever shall we call him. The Dark Lord suits him. I dont think he owns another colour of suit other than black.😮😮

Dad of 3 : So who did he get you?? Is it that girl Pia?? 

Brienne : Not exactly he brought someone over from BB&B 🤐🤐🤐

Dad of 3 : Dont fucking tell me!!!! Do not tell me its him!!!!!!! 

Brienne : He is being very sweet today. Very attentive .

Dad of 3 : You tell him I will kill him. With my bare hands.🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Dad of 3 : That awful excuse for a man.

Dad of 3 : Come home now. You should not be subjected to his ill ways.

Brienne : Jaime. Please. I can handle Tormund.

Dad of 3 : Yes he wants you to handle him. That's the fucking problem. 🤬🤬🤬

Brienne : You are outrageous!!!

Brienne : You better have dinner ready for me getting home Lannister.

Dad of 3 : 😇


	34. Chapter 34

Proud papa : So I may aswell tell you before you get home. Just know I love you and I know your gonna kill me 🤔

Proud papa : Ariella learnt a new word today 🤐

Brienne : I'm afraid to even ask 

Proud papa : Well it was a complete slip of the tongue.

Proud papa : I closed the door on my hand.

Proud papa : She has been running around for the last three hours screaming 'fuck' at the top of her little lungs 🙄🙄🙄

Brienne : I'm not going to say anything 

Proud papa : It was fun when we went for lunch and the waitress said hello to Ariella and got a loud fuck in response 

Proud papa : She has also bitten me three times today. Had two complete meltdowns because she couldn't climb the curtains and cried herself to sleep when I wouldn't let her beat the TV with a toy.🙄😮🙄😮🙄

Proud papa: We have created a monster. I'm exhausted and feel as though i may go and cry in the bathroom. 😭😭😭😭😭

Brienne : You have created that monster. 

Brienne : And wow I thought I was the pregnant one but your more emosh than me these days🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Brienne : I'll bring you home chocolate and give you a back rub.... will that do my emotional husband???

Proud papa : And a bath where we can eat the chocolate???

Brienne : Yes Jaime and go have a nap so your not grouchy when I get home. 😘😘😘😘

Proud papa: Okay. But I'm only having a nap because our daughter tired me out not because you told me too. ❤❤

Brienne: Whatever you say Lannister whatever you say 🤣


	35. Chapter 35

Brienne : If I place a phone order for cupcakes can you collect them on your way home?? 😉

HOT HUSBAND : Ofcourse my love. Want me to pick up something for dinner?? Save you from cooking 😏

Brienne: Oh yes...... chinese?????

HOT HUSBAND: As my wife wishes 😉😉

Brienne : Invite Tyrion and The Dark Lord??

HOT HUSBAND: Will do..... although it's been kinda weird today with father.

Brienne: ??????

HOT HUSBAND: I'm currently hiding in the toilets trying to get my emotions in check.

HOT HUSBAND: He called me and Tyrion to his office about an hour ago and apologized for not being the best father when we where growing up. 

HOT HUSBAND: He told us he was proud of us both and that he loved us.

Brienne: 😮😮😮😮😮

Brienne : I'm speechless. Are you okay??? Want me to come to you???

HOT HUSBAND: No I'm good. Honestly.

HOT HUSBAND: I cant ever remember my father telling me he loved me. Here I am a grown ass man crying cause his daddy told him he was proud of him and that he loved me.

HOT HUSBAND : He even hugged us both. When have you seen the mighty Tywin Lannister hug anyone other than our girl.

Brienne: He has changed Jaime. He is not the same man he was when I first met him. I think its fabulous. Although you should have had that recognition and love when you where growing up.

Brienne : Its not to late to have the relationship you've always wanted with him ❤❤❤❤

HOT HUSBAND: How do you always know what to say?? I fucking love you. 😘😘😘 

Brienne : I know and Jaime I love you because you are so easy to love. ❤❤❤


	36. Chapter 36

Brienne : I need to be stopped. 😷😷😷😷

Midnight snack : What???

Brienne : Midnight snack??? Where the fuck did that one come from???🤔🤔🤔

Midnight snack : Two nights ago.

Midnight snack : You remember waking me in the middle of the night to go and retrieve your ice cream from the freezer??😉😉

Midnight snack : I'm not complaining.... I thoroughly enjoyed what we did with that ice cream 😉😉😉😉

Midnight snack : Hence the name!!!!

Brienne : Sticky sheets after 😮

Midnight snack: Anyway why do you need to be stopped??? 

Brienne : I have just eaten half of a carrot cake!!!! HALF Jaime!!!!

Brienne : It says on the package 12 portions.

Brienne : I have just eaten 6 portions to myself.

Midnight snack: But did you enjoy it????

Brienne : Yes... but that's soooooo bad!!!!!!!! And now I want chocolate 

Brienne : Our son has turned me into a gorb 

Brienne : All i want to do is eat eat eat.... nom nom nom.

Midnight snack : Nom nom nom?? You have lost it.

Midnight snack : Our son is going to have such a sweet tooth.

Midnight snack : You can use me to work off your sugar high later 😉😉😉😉😉

Brienne : We can use the frosting from the carrot cake 🤣

Midnight snack : That's my woman !!!! 😘😘😘😘


	37. Chapter 37

Sorry Husband : Why do we fight over stupid shit??

Brienne : Because you say stupid shit!!!!

Brienne : Did you sneak into my office and change your name in my phone while I was in the toilet???

Sorry Husband: Maybe........ 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Sorry Husband : Also I didn't say stupid shit. I said true shit!!!!!!

Sorry Husband: I maybe could have worded it better at the time. But it was still true.

Brienne : Jaime, Tormund does not want to fuck me. Tormund is very happily having a NSA relationship with Jon Snow!!!!!!

Sorry Husband: WHAT????? How did I not know he was gay.

Brienne : He is bisexual and he flirts with everyone!!!!! 

Brienne: Although he did ask me before did we fancy a threesome with him..... 😉

Sorry Husband: I'll kill him I swear!!!!!!!!!!! 

Brienne : I think he was more interested in you. He does complement your golden mane quite alot. 🤔

Sorry Husband : Well when a certain light hits it, my hair is a sight to be hold. 

Brienne : Okay casanova back to work and stop fucking loving yourself so much. If you where chocolate you'd eat yourself.

Sorry Husband : Well if I was chocolate I would save a certain body part for you to lick and suck on 😏😏🤣🤣🤣

Brienne : ✋✋✋


	38. Chapter 38

Hottie : So I think we should have a family night out. 😘😘

Brienne : Okay. Tomorrow night then. 😎

Hottie: I was thinking tonight. You could meet me and our girl after work?? 😉😉😉

Brienne : Nope. I'm exhausted. Your son has been using my insides as his personal punch bag today 😭😭😭

Brienne : He thinks my bladder is a trampoline!!!!!!!! 

Brienne : And to top it off so far some fucking wanker took my lunch from the fridge and ate it!!!!!!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬

Hottie : When I find out who took it there fired.

Hottie : I made that sandwich and soup with love!!!!! 😮😮

Brienne : I know!! Who steals someone's lunch??? 

Brienne : So my plans tonight are food, bath and bed. 😴😴😴

Hottie : I'll wash your back!!! 😊😊😊

Brienne : Also did you not say you where making dinner tonight?? 😁😁😁

Hottie : Yes..... um about that!!!!!

Hottie : So I was doing my famous meatballs and pasta!!!

Hottie : Anyway I had my special sauce on simmering and kinda forgot about it while I was outside with Ariella and Prince.

Hottie : Long story short. We need a new kitchen!!!!! 😇😇😇

Brienne : WTF!!!! How bad is it???

Hottie : Well.... the kitchen is now splattered red.

Hottie : It looks like I've sacrificed something. And the cabinets are all covered aswell!!!! 😮😮😮😮

Brienne : 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Brienne : Words fail me!!!!!!!!! 

Brienne : So where are we meeting for dinner then!! Since you mentioned meatballs we are definitely having Italian. 😊😊😊

Hottie : Well we could have something else. I can sort you out with balls when we get home. 🍆🍆🍆

Brienne : ✋✋✋✋

Brienne : 🔪🔪🔪 

Hottie : 😬😬😬

Hottie : Are you threating to cut my balls off woman. I thought you loved them too much for that ❤❤❤

Brienne : We'll see what's gonna happen to your balls after I see our kitchen!!!!! 

Hottie : I already have someone coming on friday to measure for new units....... 😇

Brienne : Well I cant really complain. You where making me dinner for coming home and being a good daddy aswell.

Brienne : Accidents happen.

Hottie : 😇😇😇😇


	39. Chapter 39

Sex Expert : How are my girls this fine afternoon?? ❤❤

Brienne : Sex Expert??? Really?? What makes you an expert?? 

Sex Expert : My ability to satisfy you every single time 💦💦💦

Brienne : NOPE 

Sex Expert : So how are my two favourite ladies?? ❤❤

Brienne : Oh we are bloody great!!!!!!! 

Sex Expert : I feel like you are being sarcastic/angry 🤔

Brienne : Oh really. You got that did you!!!!!

Brienne : Well since you sleep like the fucking dead. You didn't hear the intruder in our bed last night!!!

Brienne : Well actually the two intruders since Ariella dosent go anywhere without prince!!!!!

Sex Expert : Its not my fault I didn't hear them.

Brienne : No that's not!!!!!

Sex Expert : But she is too cute to say no too 😁😁

Brienne : She is 100% YOU!!!!!!

Brienne : I don't have any idea how you slept through her singing and one million questions!!!!!!!!!!

Brienne : But what is your fault is giving in when our daughter manages to wake you in the night and instead of getting her back to her own bed you let her in ours.

Brienne : And now she is refusing to nap!!!!!!

Brienne : You are a pushover.

Sex Expert : Okay i know how i can make this up to you.

Sex Expert : Tonight I will provide you with multiple orgasms so you are that exhausted you will sleep like a baby. 💦💦💦

 

Brienne : I have a better idea!!!

Brienne : You can sleep beside Ariella. 😁😁😁

Sex Expert : 😭😭😭😭


	40. Chapter 40

Sexy Husband : Okay.....😇😇😇

Sexy Husband : When you arrive home at the front door is a paint gun.

Sexy Husband: I'll be hiding inside..

Brienne : WTH.... Jaime???

Brienne : Where is our daughter!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬

Sexy Husband : With Tyrion.

Sexy Huband : Winner gets to choose what we do tonight 😉😉😉

Brienne : How the hell is this gonna work... I'm 8 months pregnant!!!!

Sexy Husband: Exactly.... you have the advantage of me only being able to aim for certain areas of your body.

Brienne : You are crazy!!!!

Sexy Husband : Crazy for you ❤❤❤

Brienne : Your going down Lannister. 😏😏


	41. Chapter 41

Brienne : Hows the eye?? 

Abused Husband : Still shut!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Brienne : It was your idea!!!!

Abused Husband : You shot me in the eye!!

Brienne : Not intentionally 🤣🤣🤣

Abused Husband : That ginger fucker asked did you finally have enough of my shit and punch my lights out!!!

Brienne : 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Abused Husband : He got told to shut his mouth or he would need his jaw wired shut after I broke it!!!

Brienne : JAIME!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Abused Husband : I'm sitting in my office in a pair of sunglasses like a moron!!!

Brienne : Well you said it lol

Brienne : I'll kiss it better when you get home ❤

Abused Husband : You better 😁😁


	42. Chapter 42

Brienne : Where are you???

Brienne : ??????

Brienne : Hello????

Brienne : Jaime.......

Brienne : When I said separating in the shopping centre so we could be done quicker I hoped that when I messaged you.... that you would answer!!!!!!!

Brienne : Any way I'm in the food court!!!

Brienne : LOL the women beside me are saying some idiot got stuck in the kids slide in the play area. 😂😂😂😂

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Brienne : HOLY FUCK....... you're the idiot stuck in the kids slide!!!!!!!!!!!!


	43. Chapter 43

Jaime : Todays been fun. Had to get rescued from a kids slide.

Jaime : When Brienne finally came to see where I was I thought she had laughed so much she pissed herself.

Jaime : Nope...... our son is here!!!!!!

The Dark Lord : Oh Jaime that's wonderful news. I will be there at once.

The Dark Lord : I will also be purchasing the CCTV of the slide incident to use as a prime example of why you are an idiot!!

Jaime : Well it was Ariella's fault. 

The Dark Lord : Yes Jaime whatever you say son.

The Dark Lord : Tell my daughter I am so incredibly proud of her. Not only has she delivered of me another grandchild she has yet to murder you. Which is a triumph in its self.

Jaime : *inserted photo*

Jaime : Meet Arthur Jaime Lannister weighing in at 9lb 4ozs. My wife is a true warrior.

The Dark Lord : Oh he is a handsome boy. Takes that after me.

Jaime : 🤬


	44. Chapter 44

3 days : Me and you....

3 days : This weekend.....

3 days : ALONE......

3 days : How would you feel about that 😇😇😇

Brienne : Bloody fantastic. That's how I would feel!!!! ❤

3 days : I will pack the bags when I get home..... not that you will be needing much clothes 😉😉😉

Brienne : Yes.... because I am going to sleep the whole time 😘😘

Brienne : I'm so happy I could cry. Actually I probably will cry!!

Brienne : The name '3 days' it's the 6 week countdown isnt it??

3 days : Yep..... I'm very excited for it to be 2 days then 1 day then 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

Brienne : ✋✋✋✋

3 days : My darling wife you know you cant resist my awesome lines and handsome face 😘😘😘

Brienne : That ego!!!!!!

Brienne : Who is going to be in charge of our little darlings???

3 days : Who do you think I would trust with my babies???

3 days : The dark lord and Tyrion are coming to stay. 😁

Brienne : So Podrick then??? 😂😂😂😂

3 days : Yep!!!!!!


	45. Chapter 45

Podrick : Is it okay to lock your father and brother out??

Jaime : Yes. How bad is it?

Podrick : Well your father has had a photographer round.

Jaime : What???

Podrick : I couldn't possibly even find the words to describe it to you.

Podrick : But he has decided it's time his heirs where introduced to the world.

Jaime : I'll kill him.

Podrick : The photographer is coming back next week to get shots of him and Brienne.

Podrick : Do you know he calls her his 'sweet daughter's

Jaime : Is Tyrion at least behaving??

Podrick : Well I seen him sneaking a lady friend out at 3am as I was making Arthur a bottle.

Jaime : I expected worse 

Podrick : Prince tries to attack your father EVERYTIME he goes near Arthur. I love your dog.

Jaime : He is a good boy. Get them out the back and lock the door.


	46. Chapter 46

Brienne : You will not believe what I am currently witnessing. 😮😮😮😮

Brienne : Both our fathers are in our back garden having a duel with Ariellas toy swords. 🙈

🤴🏼🤴🏼🤴🏼 : Is it serious or playing??

Brienne : Oh its serious. They are hashing out who the best grandfather is!!! 🙄🙄🙄

🤴🏼🤴🏼🤴🏼 : Get the kids and leave them there. Honestly why is our family so crazy!!!!!!

🤴🏼🤴🏼🤴🏼 : We are moving to the FUCKING NORTH

Brienne : But it's so cold there!!!! 

🤴🏼🤴🏼🤴🏼 : Exactly!!!!! They wont come visit!!!!!!

Brienne : I FUCKING love you Lannister 🤣🤣🤣


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To each and every person who has left comments KUDOS and taken the time to read through this thank you so much. ❤❤❤❤

Brienne : Just had to pick our daughter up from another daycare!!!!!

Brienne : Use of words like..... fuck you motherfucker are frowned upon.

Brienne : So is tackling another child to the ground screaming surrender you peasant!!!!!!!

Brienne : And low and behold she has informed me she learned the language from you when you where watching football.

Brienne : She learned the tackle from you when she informed me of you fighting with another father at the kids play zone and bribing our daughter not to tell me with ice cream!!!!!!!!

Brienne : What possessed you to fight in a kids play centre with our kid with you??

Exhausted father : His kid was being an asshole to my girl...... and he was a bigger asshole.

Exhausted father : Plus I taught her a valuable lesson..... how to tackle!!!!

Brienne : 🤬🤬🤬🤬


	48. Chapter 48

Brienne: You are such an idiot....

Brienne : But you are my idiot....

Brienne : Love you!!! ❤❤

BIG 🙊 : Take it you liked my treat this morning!!!

Brienne : Hahaha

Brienne : When I pulled up to the drive through behind you the guy was like already paid by the guy in front!!!

Brienne : He told me that you told him to tell me you thought I was hot!!!! 

Brienne : You're such a dork LOL

BIG 🙊 : Well it's TRUE I do think your hot!!!

BIG 🙊 : Hot for me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Brienne : Jaime!!!!!!!

Brienne : Well you are hot in that dad hot kinda way!!!!!

Brienne : Thank you for my coffee and muffin. Made me extremely happy...... Our girl enjoyed her donut before I dropped her at daycare..... plus me and Arthur went shopping. Got you some new ties.

BIG 🙊 : Will you model the ties for me later. Pretty woman style????

Brienne : When did you watch pretty woman???

BIG 🙊 : About 20 years ago.

Brienne : Maybe I will model them for you... ❤❤

BIG 🙊 : 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞


	49. Chapter 49

Husband to the most awesome wife ❤❤❤ : I am messaging you this because if I tried to tell you this to your face you would tell me to shut up!!!!  
Last night you asked me why I look at you like you hang the moon.... you also asked me why do I always call you beautiful?

I call you beautiful because YOU ARE.  
You have no idea what I see when I make you smile or laugh. How your whole face lights up. That's why I say most of the stupid shit I say. To see that look on your face. GODS it's beautiful. The way you look at our children. How you care for them and me. You are the most patient woman I have ever met.  
I am the luckiest bastard in the world that you picked me. That you agreed to be my wife, and given me the two most amazing children this world has. I will cherish you till my last breath. And in my next life and the life after that I will always find you and make you love me because there is no me without you Brienne.

Thank you for always loving me, showing me patience and for making me a better man. I love you my beautiful wife. ❤❤❤

Brienne : 😭😭😭😭😭

Brienne : Jaime. You made me freaking cry in the supermarket. I love you so much husband of mine.

Husband to the most awesome wife ❤❤❤ : Always baby. We are forever..... let's meet for a family lunch???

Brienne : Burger joint??

Husband to the most awesome wife ❤❤❤ : I'll meet you three there 😘😘😘


	50. Chapter 50

Your King 🤴🏼 : Have you ever looked at someone and thought 'I'd like to be responsible for your next orgasm?'

Brienne : WTH......

Brienne : What kind of a question is that to ask your wife?? 

Your King 🤴🏼 : Just asking because that's what I think 90% of the time when I look at you. 😉

Your King 🤴🏼 : Then I think DAMN I'm responsible for all your orgasms.

Brienne : Are you really though? 💅💅💅

Brienne : I sometimes have the urge when you are at work and cant wait till you get home 🙊

Your King 🤴🏼 : What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brienne : 😘😘😘😘

Your King 🤴🏼 : You could at least send me a video of that!!!

Your King 🤴🏼 : To think I send you clips all the time......

Brienne : Jaime you send me videos of you doing the helicopter with your dick!!!!! 

Your King 🤴🏼 : I'll lock my office door now and send you one 🍆🍆🍆

Brienne : I hope your phone never gets hacked......

Your King 🤴🏼 : Oh me too.... the pictures I have of you. Only I'm allowed to see them!!!!!

Brienne : What?????????

Your King 🤴🏼: My favourite at the minute is the one of you last week I took when you where ironing your top..... you only had your cheeky shorts on and where topless 😉

Brienne : JAIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brienne : I am checking your phone when you get home!!!!

Your King 🤴🏼 : There in a private folder. If anyone caught a peek at you I'd kill them!!! 

Brienne : What am I going to do with you??

Your King 🤴🏼 : Love me???

Brienne : I already do that 😉


	51. Chapter 51

Tywin : Jaime, I will be hosting dinner every sunday going forward. I think this will be good for us as a family.

Jaime : I'm petrified!!!!!!!

Tywin : Nonsense. Why are you always so dramatic. I knew I should have texted Brienne. How is my darling daughter in law?

Jaime : I am three doors down from you. Or can you not walk down the hallway???

Jaime : Brienne is fine.

Tywin : I just text her myself anyway. 

Jaime : This sunday might be an issue. Selwyn is arriving late on saturday night for a visit so he might be tired.

Tywin : Yes i know. And the invite didn't extend to him.

Jaime : Really? That is not polite father. I'm afraid i will have to decline then if my father in law is unwelcome.

Tywin : That man told me to go fuck myself and the next time he see' me that he would be sticking a golden Lion up my you know where. 

Jaime : ???? WHAT???? WHY????

Jaime : What did you do???

Tywin : I may have sent him a video of me and my two little darlings with the caption worlds greatest grandad.

Jaime : And Brienne wonders where I get my pettiness from.

Jaime: You will message Selywn and you will apologise 

Tywin : I will not. Lannisters do not apologise 

Jaime : Oh you will father. Or I will phone Brienne right this instance and tell her what you have been up too.

Tywin : Damn You 🖕


	52. Chapter 52

Hubster❤ : What happened? My dad just came back 5 hours after going to meet you for lunch. He looks like he has been crying?? Did you ban him from the house lol 

Brienne : No.... didn't ban him from the house. Jaime it's bad. 

Hubster ❤ : What's wrong??? I'm trying not to panic now.

Brienne : Me and our two munchkins are fine.

Brienne: Myrcella and Tommen will be moving in with us for a while.

Hubster ❤ : I'll kill her what has she done now??

Brienne : Myrcella phoned me when me and your dad where at lunch. Cersei hadn't been home in two days. She has been at her new boyfriends house.

Hubster ❤ : WTF!!! 

Brienne : Your father phoned Robert but you know he dosent have a paternal bone in his body. Your father said he is going to send her to rehab for her drinking. But Jaime she left them kids alone for two days. They are only 12 and 10!!!!! I wanna strangle her.

Hubster ❤ : I'm on my way home. I'll pick up pizza. How are they now??

Brienne : Upset. Really upset. I think they where more scared.

Hubster ❤ : She has always been selfish and self-centered but I never thought she would chose to go partying over her children. I'm going to talk to dad and then I'll be home.


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you still for all the wonderful comments you continue to leave here. It really is appreciated. This fandom is truly a joy to participate in.

Brienne: Okay I never thought I would say this.....

Brienne : But do you think maybe we need a bigger house.

Brienne : I know we have only been here a few years but I dont ever want Myrcy and Tom to have to leave us....... I don't care if Cersei makes a miraculous recovery I dont want them children to suffer anymore.

Blue balls : YES!!!!! Completely agree. We need a bigger house.

Brienne : Blue balls? What the fuck Jaime!!!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Blue balls : Its true..... I can be quiet!!!! But your sudden fear of having two older children in the house!!!!!! 🙄

Blue balls : We both have needs!!!!! 

Brienne: Oh you are gonna suffer for this one!!!! You are like some teenage boy!!! 🖕🖕🖕

Blue balls : Its been 6 whole days and 6 whole nights!!

Brienne : We have went longer than that without sex!!!! 

Blue balls : That was only when you had the kids and we literally couldn't!!!

Brienne : I'm going to contact a few agents today about bigger houses in the area!!!!! You can keep this one for you and your blue balls!!!!! 

Brienne : If you fucking value them balls DO NOT message me again this day 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Blue balls : You messaged me first!!!!

Brienne : HOLY FUCK

Brienne : Yes but you had already put your name as blue balls in my phone you fucking immature man!!!!!!

Brienne : I was having such a lovely day but you have sent my mood downwards Jaime Lannister!!!

Blue balls : Sorry. 

Brienne : Dont!!!


	54. Chapter 54

Brienne : Perfect house found.... even has separate bedrooms for me and you 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Idiot husband : Hahaha absolutely not!!!!!!! The last time I had to travel for a meeting I didn't sleep a wink without you by my side!!!!

Idiot husband : Who would have thought I'd miss your snoring 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Brienne : I dont snore!!!!!

Idiot husband : Oh my love you really do. ... and your worse after I really tire you out 🍆🍆🍆🍆

Brienne : 🖕🖕🖕

Idiot husband : Send me the link for this house....

Brienne : Already emailed you it husband 😍


	55. Chapter 55

YOLO : Oi Lannister????

Brienne : YOLO??? Jaime what the hell???

YOLO : It means you only live once. Which is very appropriate right now.... as I just booked us a family trip to Disney. 🙊

Brienne : What????? 😮😮😮😮😮

Brienne : I'm so excited!!!!!!!!! 

YOLO : I've already ordered all our ears 😉😉😉

Brienne : It will do the 6 of us the world of good!!! Especially the kids. They are going to love it. 😘😘😘😘

YOLO : Yes it really will do the 8 of us the world of good. ❤❤

Brienne : 8?????

Brienne : Dont fucking tell me!!!!!!!!

YOLO : Okay I wont tell you 😘😘😘

Brienne : I'm not going!!!!

Brienne: I can see the headlines now..... Tywin Lannister Billionaire Business Tycoon and Selwyn Tarth Mayor and Heir to Tarth arrested as grandpas go wild in Disney!!!!!

YOLO : Oh I'll be referee. And it will be fine I mean YOLO!!!!! 😉😉😉


	56. Chapter 56

Brienne : So Myrcella just showed me a few interesting things on Instagram 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Brienne : First..... why in the hell is there a picture of you and the kids on a page called DILFS of Disneyland????

Daddy Cool : Oh that!! Yea the gram is where it's at these days.  
Also did you see my picture has the most likes this year!!!!

Brienne : I can't believe you submitted a picture of yourself!!!! 

Brienne: second...... Myrcella also showed me another page..... Idiots at Disneyland. 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Daddy Cool : Oh I haven't heard of that one. I'm not on that because I was on my best behaviour. 😍😍😍

Brienne: No you are not. But guess who is..... having a lightsabre fight in the middle of Hollywood studios with the kids watching on..... can't believe l actually let them take the kids that day on there own!!!!

Brienne: Our fathers!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Daddy Cool : You gotta love the old guys 🙄🙄🙄

Brienne: Jaime 🖕🖕🖕🖕


	57. Chapter 57

Luke 🤣 : What is my beautiful wife and children up too today??? ❤

Brienne: Luke??? Why????

Luke 🤣 : I've renamed the dark lord, he will now be known as Darth Vader 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Brienne: Oh Jaime 🤣🤣🤣 we are so awful to him.

Luke 🤣 : The old boy deserves it!!!! We have been in a meeting since 9 o'clock this morning.... I never realised how much he enjoys the sound of his own voice!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Brienne: You enjoy that me and the kids are out for lunch and then going bowling. Enjoying the last few days before Myrcella and Tommen go back to school...... Ariella has picked bowling and Arthur is napping ❤❤❤

Luke 🤣 : Not fair!!! I'm very jealous!!!!!!!! Come get me and say there is an emergency!!! He will let me go if you ask 😉😉😉😉

Brienne: Haha nope!!!!!! 

Luke 🤣 : What about this weekend my darling.... me and you get a babysitter for them crazy kids and we hit the town??? 😉

Brienne: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Luke 🤣 : I will ask Tyrion to stay over and we will get a hotel.... uninterrupted husband and wife time!!! 😘😘😘

Brienne: sounds perfect!!!

Luke 🤣 : Oh and wife there will be no sleeping.... and you will be certainly walking funny the next day 🍆🍆🍆

Brienne: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Okay stud whatever you say 😉

Luke 🤣 : You know I love when you are an obedient wife.... now be obedient and come visit me!!! We will get Darth Vader to mind the kids for an hour and we will put my office desk to good use.... 😉😉😉

Brienne: Enjoy the rest of your meeting husband ❤

Luke 🤣: Is that a no then???


	58. Chapter 58

Husband ❤ : Do you want to have sex??? 🍆🍆🤞🤞

Brienne: No! 

Husband ❤ : That response has made me upset!!!! 

Brienne: Good!! 

Husband ❤ : BTW your bum looks amazing in those bottoms 😍😍😍

Brienne: We are still not having sex .........

Husband ❤ : Why??? We will stick cartoons on for the youngest two and the oldest two won't notice anything other than their phones!!! 

Husband ❤ : Meet me in the laundry room in two minutes 🤞🤞🤞

Brienne: Nope I am going food shopping so you can keep the munchkins entertained!!!

Husband ❤ : In those bottoms??? No way 

Brienne: ✋✋✋


	59. Chapter 59

Brienne : Oh since you love playing around with my phone I myself have changed your name in my phone???

Husbad: Since you finished with????? I'm taking it that I have to guess what that name is??

Brienne : Obviously!

Husbad : lover? Orgasm giver? Jaime with the good hair? The most handsome man ever? Briennes bitch? 

Husbad : BTW Tyrion says hello 😉

Brienne: I was just putting the kids to bed and instead of me telling them a story, they told me the most in depth story of being escorted from the shopping centre today......

Husbad : Well.... funny story actually!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Brienne : Oh I'm wetting myself with laughter!!!!!!!!

Husbad: That other father started it!!!!!

Brienne : Honestly, have you learnt nothing from our fathers??? 

Husbad: Well now that you ask actually yes I have learnt that pettiness wins sometimes 😍😍😍

Brienne : oh really.... well Jaime with the good hair!!!! Since you started an arguement over the last tub of hair gel in the shop I'm going to show you pettiness ✋✋✋

Husbad: Oh are you gonna spank me 😉😉😉

Husbad : punish me good when I get home??

Husbad : Brienne???

Husbad : Baby???

Husbad : Wifey???

Husbad : Love of my life??

Husbad : I'm dead when I get home aren't I?

Brienne : YEP 😍😍😍


	60. Chapter 60

Wifey : Just had lunch with the dark lord.......🙄🙄

Jaime : Okay... we also just had lunch over here. Princess picnic style.....

Jaime : photo

Jaime : photo

Wifey : Love that you are the princess husband!!! That tiara suits you 😘😘😘😘😘

Jaime : Yes...... our girl is the warrior come to rescue me from my tower, she also provided lunch.

Wifey : You do have the hair to pull of the princess look 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wifey : During lunch your father informed me that we should be like 'those common families' and let him move in with us when he retires!!!!!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬

Wifey : Then the two of us can run the firm and he can look after the children!!!!! 

Wifey : The man has no boundaries

Wifey : Jaime???

Jaime : I've booked us flights to dorne!!! We leave tonight, we can get new identities and he will never find us!!!!

Wifey : You do realise it is your father 

Jaime : Yep he would certainly find us!!!

Jaime : I'll volunteer Tyrion as tribute 

Wifey : You're awful, but I wouldn't have you any other way!!!!

Jaime : Remember that later .... me and you can play princess and warrior later..... 😘😘😘😘

Wifey : You are still gonna 100% be the princess later!!! 🤣

Jaime : Of course I am, and you can be my knight in shining armour come to rescue me from the dark lord Lord Tywin!!!!

Wifey : I'll always rescue you from Tywin. ❤


	61. Chapter 61

Brienne: Could you look after the kids for a couple more hours?

Tyrion : Yes . Of course. 

Tyrion : Myrcella is trying to learn me Tik Toc 😮😮😮😮

Brienne : Thanks, I will try and be quick.

Brienne : Her and Jaime have it mastered..... did she show you??

Tyrion : What's wrong, i thought you and Jaime where going for lunch and to do a few errands?

Brienne : We did, we also needed food shopping!!!!! 

Brienne: Which has resulted in your brother being arrested!!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Tyrion : 😮😮😮😮

Tyrion: Do tell me more???

Tyrion : How serious is this? Do we need to call in father?

Brienne : No need for Tywin I'm handling it.

Brienne : Your brother did not take lightly to a comment made about my backside in my workout shorts. 🤬

Tyrion : Oh I see. 😮😮😮

Tyrion : Please don't kill him.

Brienne : I won't.


End file.
